Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
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Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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