wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
