I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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