my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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