I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
