is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
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The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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