As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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