# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
