Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
