you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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