If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my sisters under your porch take her home
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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