No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
