Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
