I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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