so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
