my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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