The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
