i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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