what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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