Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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