I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The best revenge is premature balding
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
