Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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