I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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