We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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