I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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