my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize