no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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