pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
