So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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