Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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