Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
