weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
