You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
