We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
