and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
