Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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