the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
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