quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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