my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
