i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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