I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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