just tell him i said nine months
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
do herpes really smell.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
