My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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