She is in my trunk
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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