I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
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& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch