he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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