We need to start having sex underwater more often.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
