Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
