There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
