this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Randomize
