and she was petting her beer can
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
All I want is dick and wine.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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