Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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