who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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