If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
