I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
