When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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