The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
too bad you live with your parents still
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
