Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
