How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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