I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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