Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
