im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
